THE WIZARD OF LA PAZ
by Deep Red Amphitptere
Summary: Hey I just needed something to rhyme with Oz, okay? Anyway, it's basically an Inu-Yasha/Oz crossover. Or The Wizard of Oz with an Inu-Yasha twist.
1. Default Chapter

THE WIZARD OF LA PAZ  
  
(The curtains open up, revealing an old dirt road. Kagome rushes out in her school uniform with Shippo trailing behind her.)  
  
Kagome: Oh, Shippo! Did she hurt you?  
  
Shippo: No way! *cough* It'll take more than a little pepper spray to hurt ME!  
  
Kagome: C'mon! Let's go tell grandpa!  
  
(Kagome and Shippo run off the stage as the curtains close. The curtains open back up to show a small shrine. Kagome's Mother is sitting on the shrine steps, while Kagome's Grandpa sweeps the sidewalk with a broom, and Sota kicks a soccer ball.)  
  
Kagome: Grandpa! Guess what happened! That witch Kikyo sprayed Shippo with pepper spray, just because he chased her stupid cat!  
  
Shippo: Not to mention, I bit her right before she could spray me!  
  
Grandpa: You bit her?  
  
Shippo (proud): Uh-huh!  
  
Grandpa: Good job!  
  
Mother: Now, Kagome, why did you let Shippo go? He's your responsibility.  
  
Kagome: I didn't mean to let him go! It's just that when her cat got out, Shippo chased after it. Then he bit her, and she sprayed him!  
  
Mother: You have to remember to be kind to her, Kagome. She lives all by herself.  
  
Sota: Yeah! Even a little kid like me knew that! *sigh* I don't know why my older sister can't be a little smarter...  
  
Mother: Sota...!  
  
Grandpa: Nah! Next time she does something mean and rude to you, show a little courage and spit in her face! That's what I would've done!  
  
Mother (smacking the back of his head): Grandpa!  
  
Kagome: I'm not afraid of her.  
  
Shippo: If she looked just like ME, I'd be a little freaked out.  
  
Sota (under his breath): So would I...  
  
Shippo: Shut up!  
  
(Kikyo stomps out onto the stage with a basket hanging from her right arm and walks up to Kagome.)  
  
Kikyo: You! Give me that little mutt!  
  
Kagome (takes Shippo into her arms): No way!  
  
Shippo: Get away from here, you witch!  
  
Kikyo: Insolent beast!  
  
Mother: Is there a problem, Miss Kikyo?  
  
Kikyo: Yes, there is! That daughter of yours let her dog out on me! I have permission to have him taken away, for he bit my hand!  
  
Shippo: I'm NOT a dog!  
  
Kagome: But he didn't mean to! (turns to Mother) Please, Mom, don't let her take Shippo away. I'm the one to blame. You can ground me for a week if you want!  
  
Kikyo: You better give me that dog or else the police will kick you out of your house! There's a law against dogs that bite!  
  
Mother: She's right, Kagome. I'm afraid you have to give Shippo up.  
  
Kagome (craddles Shippo): No!  
  
Kikyo (snatches Shippo's tail): Give him to me!  
  
Kagome (fights): NO!  
  
Mother: Give him here, Kagome. (takes Shippo)  
  
Kagome: Shippo...!  
  
Kikyo (shoves Shippo into her basket): Thank you for your cooperation. (turns and leaves the stage)  
  
Kagome (crying) How could you let her take Shippo away?!  
  
Mother: We had to or else we'd be out on the streets.  
  
Kagome: It's not fair! (runs off stage in opposite direction of Kikyo)  
  
(The curtains close an re-open again, showing Kikyo walking down the street. When she stops and the corner, Shippo quickly jumps out of the basket and runs away with Kikyo not noticing)  
  
(The curtains open up showing Kagome in her room, crying on her bed. There's a knock on her door)  
  
Shippo: Kagome, open up! It's me!  
  
Kagome (sniffling): Shippo? (opens the door and Shippo jumps into her arms)  
  
Shippo: Kagome!  
  
Kagome: Oh, Shippo! I thought I'd never see you again!  
  
Shippo: I escaped from Kikyo's basket and found my way home!  
  
Kagome: She'll come back for you, when she finds out your gone. We have to get out of here, or else she'll take you away again.  
  
Shippo: Then I'll escape again!  
  
Kagome (not listening while gathering clothes): Come on! Let's hurry!  
  
(The scene changes to Kagome and Shippo walking down a dirt road.)  
  
Shippo (scratching his ear): Just where are we going anyway?  
  
Kagome: Right now, we're just getting away from Kikyo. (looks at Shippo straching his ear) What's wrong?  
  
Shippo: My ear itches, and I don't know why.  
  
Kagome (looks behind Shippo's ear and sees a flea biting him. She picks it up) Myouga? Myouga: Oh, it's you, Kagome! Heh, heh. I didn't see you there.  
  
Kagome: What are you doing here?  
  
Myouga: Oh, the circus was in town. I just wanted to see it!  
  
Kagome: The circus? Shippo! That's it! We'll join the circus!  
  
Shippo: Huh?!  
  
Kagome: Thanks, Myouga! You're the greatest!  
  
Myouga: But wait! Now might not be a good time. There's a terrible storm coming and you should get home. Your Mother must be worried sick about you.  
  
Kagome: Oh, you're right. Come on, Shippo! (they run off stage)  
  
(The scene changes to Kagome and Shippo fighting the wind as they try to get back home. It begins thundering and lightning like crazy. They finally come across the shrine and Kagome runs into the house.)  
  
Shippo: Where is everyone?!  
  
Kagome: I don't know! Quick! Let's go into the mimi-shrine! (As they run outside, they see the Thunder Brothers blasting everything in sight with lightning bolts.)  
  
Shippo (hanging off of Kagome's shoulder): It's the Thunder Brothers! Hurry! (Kagome opens the shrine door. Hiten blasts another lightning bolt at Kagome's feet and she jumps into the air. She and Shippo fall down the well) 


	2. Another Default Chapter

(The curtains open up, revealing Kagome and Shippo lying on the bottom of the well. They are unconscious for a few moments)  
  
Kagome (stirring): Oh...where are we?  
  
Shippo (stirring): I think we landed on the bottom of the well. (They begin to climb up. When they reach the top, and walk out of the shrine, they react when they see that they aren't home. They are outside in a little colorful town full of different colored cottages, ponds, and winding rainbow roads.)  
  
Kagome: Shippo...I think we're not in Tokyo anymore.  
  
Shippo: You THINK...? (they walk out of the shrine and wander around the village.) I wonder where we are? (looks up) What's THAT?!  
  
(Kagome and Shippo look up and see a gigantic pink bubble floating down to greet them. A woman in ancient miko clothes appears inside of the bubble.)  
  
Woman: Hello. I am--Hold on. (notices she's still inside of the bubble and tries to pop it from the inside with arrows. The bubble pops)  
  
Kagome: Now I KNOW we're not in Tokyo. (gets a dull look from Shippo)  
  
Woman: Hmm...Are you a kitsune?  
  
Kagome: A what? No, I'm a girl. I'm Kagome Higurashi, from Tokyo.  
  
Woman: To-key-o? Is that where you're from?  
  
Kagome: Yes. But...who are you?  
  
Woman: I am Kaede. The priesest of this village.  
  
(high-pitched giggles)  
  
Shippo: What the heck was that?  
  
Kaede: The midgets. We are in Midgetland.  
  
Kagome: What are midgets?  
  
(more giggles)  
  
Kaede: Little people who live here. They thank you, for you have killed the wicked witch. Look. (points to the bottom of the shrine, where two flexed feet wearing ruby slippers stick out)  
  
Kagome and Shippo: *gasp*  
  
Shippo: You killed someone--  
  
(Smoke emerges from the ground. Shippo cowards behind Kagome. When the smoke clears, you see a witch wearing dark clothes and a pointy hat standing there)  
  
Kikyo (clenches broomsick and glances over at the fee that stick out from the shrine): Who killed my sister...? (creeps up to Kagome) Was it YOU?!  
  
Kaede: Aren't you forgetting something?  
  
Kikyo: Ah, yes...the Shikon No Tama slippers...! (walks over to the feet and notice that the shoes are gone) Where are they?! Give them back ro me or I'll...!  
  
Kaede: It's too late. There they are. (points down to Kagome's feet. Kagome gasps)  
  
Kikyo: Give me those slippers. Only I know how to use them. Give them back or I'll destroy you!  
  
Kaede: Ridiculous! Your magic doesn't work here! I've sealed evil magic off. Now, begone!  
  
Kikyo: Very well... (turns to Kagome) But you better watch your back! I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!  
  
Shippo (before Kikyo disappears): If you only had a brain!  
  
(silence)  
  
Kagome: What will I do now?  
  
Kaede: You must find the Wizard of La Paz.  
  
Kagome: The Wizard? Is he good or evil?  
  
Kaede: He's very good, but very mysterious. He lives in the Amethyst City, and that's a ling journey from here. Can you turn into a bird?  
  
Kagome: Uh...no... I can't.  
  
Kaede: Then you'll have to walk. You have to follow the yellow dirt road. And that wicked witch will be after those slippers and will cause you some trouble along the way, so don't you take those slippers off for a minute or else you'll at her wrath. (puts Kagome on the yellow dirt road and backs up)  
  
Kagome (turns and faces Kaede): But what happens if she...? (Kaede disappears)  
  
Shippo (scoffs): Well, she's nice!  
  
Kagome (starts walking along the yellow dirt road): Well, she said to follow the yellow dirt road, and we can't stay here, so let's go.  
  
(The scene changes to Kagome and Shippo walking down the yellow dirt road. They eventually come up to an intersection and don't kow which way to go. Corn fields surround the place.)  
  
Shippo: Now, how's come Kaede didn't tell us which way to go when we came up here? She isn't very good at giving directions! Now which way do we go?!  
  
Voice: That way's a nice way!  
  
Kagome: Who said that?  
  
Voice: That way is nice as well!  
  
Kagome (looks at the scarecrow): Wait a tick! Wasn't that scarecrow pointing the other way a minute ago?  
  
Scarecrow (twists arms to point in both directions): But people could go both ways!  
  
Shippo: Oh, my god! That scarecrow talked!  
  
Scarecrow: No, I didn't! Or did I...?  
  
Kagome: Are you doing that on purpose?  
  
Scarecrow: I can't make up my mind! I don't have a brain!  
  
Shippo: The brain is the part of the vertebrate nervous system that is the organ of thought and nervous coordinatioin! You wouldn't be able to talk if you didn't have a brain! So, you must be lying!  
  
Scarecrow: Okay, I admit it. I lied. I'm actually quite smart. My name is Sango.  
  
Kagome: My name is Kagome. And this is Shippo.  
  
Shippo: In the flesh!  
  
Sango: It's a pleasure to meet both of you.  
  
Kagome: Uh, Sango? Do you know which way to the Amethyst City? We're trying to find the Wizard.  
  
Sango: YOU are trying to find the WIZARD?!  
  
Shippo: Yeah, what's the big deal?  
  
Sango: No one has ever seen the great La Paz! Even I'VE never seen him!  
  
Shippo: Maybe it's because you've been on that pole for your entire life.  
  
Sango: Well...that's true...I think it's that way...(points in direction)  
  
Kagome: Thank you, very much! (starts off) Wait. Do you want to join us?  
  
Sango: Thanks for the offer, but I'd rather be on my own.  
  
Shippo: Oh, come on!  
  
Sango: All right...  
  
Kagome(walks over to Sango to get her down): How do I get you down?  
  
Sango: Just bend the nail down in the back. I'll just slip off.  
  
Kagome: Oh, okay. I see it now. (bends nail, and Sango slips off of the pole)  
  
Shippo: Are you done now? Let's get going!  
  
Kagome (arm wraped around Sango to keep her from falling): WEEEE'REEEEEE.....Off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of--  
  
Shippo: Hey, do you know who sings that song?  
  
Kagome: Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz--  
  
Shippo: Then let's keep it that way.  
  
(They skip off the stage. The scene changes to the three of them in a forest.)  
  
Sango: Hmm...We should be there by now...  
  
Shippo: Oh, don't tell me we went the wrong way!  
  
Sango: Okay, I won't.  
  
Kagome: Well, maybe we can ask someone for directions. (looks around) Ah, there! (walks over to a tin man) Excuse me, could you tell us how to get to the Amethyst City?  
  
Shippo: Kagome...That's a tinman...He isn't living...How could he tell us where the Amethyst City is?  
  
Kagome: Hey, we came across midgets, a woman who lives in a pink bubble, a green-faced wicked witch, and a talking scarecrow. Why can't a tinman tell us how to get somewhere?  
  
Shippo: Good point.  
  
Kagome: Can you...?  
  
Tinman: Oi....ca...  
  
Sango: What's he saying?  
  
Tinman: Oil...ca...  
  
Shippo: I think he said, "Oi, I'll canter."  
  
Sango: It sounded like he said, "Oil can"  
  
Kagome: Oil can?  
  
Sango (looks) Oh here's an oil can. (grabs oil can and gives it to Kagome)  
  
Kagome: Where do you want it?  
  
Tinman: M'ar...M'ar..m...!  
  
Sango: He said his arm.  
  
Kagome (squirts oil onto right arm) There you go.  
  
(The tinman stretches out his arm behind Sango and grabs a handful)  
  
Sango (blushing): Ah! Give me that oil can! (snatches oil can and squirts it on his jaw and mouth.)  
  
Tinman: Oh...Thank you very much, my lovely-- *smack!* OW! What'd you do that for?  
  
Sango: You pervert!  
  
Tinman: Some straw was falling out. I was simply putting it back in.  
  
Sango: Yeah, right! Don't you have a heart?! You should know better than to grope someone without their permission!  
  
Tinman: No...I don't have a heart...  
  
Kagome: Aw...you poor thing! (squirts oil all over his arms and knees) There you go. I bet you can move now.  
  
Tinman: Yes. Thank you. Both of you.  
  
Shippo: Do you have a name?  
  
Tinman: They call me Miroku.  
  
Shippo: Who's "they?"  
  
Sango: It's just a figure of speech.  
  
Shippo: Oh.  
  
Kagome: Do you know where the Amethyst City is? We're trying to find the Wizard.  
  
Miroku: Well, you aren't heading in the right direction, that's for sure. Amethyst City is in the other direction.  
  
Shippo: I knew it!  
  
Kagome: Would you like to come with us?  
  
Sango: NO!  
  
Shippo: Yeah! Maybe the Wizard can give you a heart!  
  
Miroku: Perhaps. Does this Wizard have a daughter?  
  
Sango: Ugh...  
  
Kagome: We're not sure. But will you come with us, please?  
  
Voice: HA HA HA!  
  
Everyone (turns and looks): Huh?!  
  
Kikyo: How pitiful! You've just begun on a journey and already you're lost! Helping the little lady along, are we, my fine gentlemen?  
  
Sango: Not all of us are men, you know!  
  
Kikyo: Do you like fire, scarecrow?  
  
Sango: No! Of course not--I mean, Oh, yes, I love fire!  
  
Kikyo (throws a ball of fire at the scarecrow): Eh HEH HEH HEH HEH!!  
  
Shippo (cowards behind Kagome) Ah!  
  
Sango: Ah! Fire!  
  
Miroku (puts out the fire with his hand): That does it, witch! (opens up right hand) Wind tunnel!!  
  
Kikyo (disappears) AHAHAHA!!!  
  
Shippo: I'm not afraid of her!  
  
Miroku: Neither am I! I'll see that you get safely to the Wizard now.  
  
Sango: Same here.  
  
Kagome: Oh, thank you, everyone!  
  
(The scene changes to the group walking through a jungle. They're all hunched together)  
  
Shippo (on Kagome's shoulder): This sure is a creepy forest...! And I don't like it...  
  
Miroku: Aw...Shippo...! Are we a wittle fwightened?  
  
Shippo: No way!  
  
Animal: SQUAWK!!  
  
Shippo (heart attack): Ack!  
  
Kagome: Miroku...do you think we'll come across any wild animals?  
  
Sango: Like herbivores?  
  
Miroku: We might.  
  
Sango: Like animals that eat...straw??  
  
Miroku: Rabbits eat straw.  
  
Shippo: Ha ha! Sango's afraid of little bunny rabbits?! Ha ha ha!  
  
Sango: No!  
  
Miroku: But we might come across lions, and tigers, and bears.  
  
Kagome: Oh, my!  
  
Sango: Lions?  
  
Shippo: And tigers?  
  
Miroku: And bears.  
  
Kagome: Oh, my!  
  
Shippo: Okay, this is getting annoying.  
  
Animal: RRROOOOAAARRRRRR!!!  
  
Everyone (scatters): Aah!!  
  
(A white creature leaps out from the jungle and frightens everyone)  
  
Animal (in a squeatting position): Rrruff! RrrrRRRrrrUUfff! (stands on two legs and puts up fists) Put 'em up! Put 'em up!! I can take any one of ya!  
  
Kagome: Aw! It's a doggy! (goes up and pets fuzzy ears)  
  
Inu-Yasha: Grrrr!!!  
  
Kagome (runs away): Aah!  
  
Inu-Yasha (faces Miroku and Sango, who are leaning up against a tree side by side. Sango has her arms wrapped around Miroku's neck) Which one of ya wanna fight me first?!  
  
Sango: Miroku, make yourself useful and get him!  
  
Miroku: Why me?  
  
Sango: Cuz, YOU'RE the one with the weapon!  
  
Shippo: Hey, dog-breath! Over here!  
  
Inu-Yasha (looks over at Shippo) I'll get you, first, you little badger! (chases after him)  
  
Kagome (gasps): Shippo! Oh, no, Shippo! (picks him up and runs away from the dog-demon. Turns around and slaps his face)  
  
Inu-Yasha (sobbing): Ow! Wa-a-a-a-ah! What did you do that for? I didn't bite him! Wa-a-ah!  
  
Kagome: What's the big idea picking on us like that?! That is the most immature thing I've ever seen! You jerk-wad! You coward!  
  
Inu-Yasha: You're right...! I AM a coward...! I'm not brave at all...! I'm scared of everything! Even cats!  
  
Kagome (dabs the dog-demons eyes with shirt sleeve): Aw...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Gee...that's very nice of you...!  
  
Shippo: Why don't you come with us? We're off to see that Wizard to get Sango a brain, and Miroku a heart.  
  
Sango: I already have a brain...  
  
Inu-Yasha: Aw...gee...Why would the Wizard give a cowardly dog-demon any courage?  
  
Kagome: He MUST give you some courage! C'mon. Let's go.  
  
(They all travel down the yellow dirt road until they get to an opening. They look across a field of flowers and see a bunch of purple towers sticking up out of the ground)  
  
Kagome (excited): Look! The Amethyst City! We're almost there! 


	3. Yet Another Default Chapter

(The scene changes to Kikyo watching Kagome, Shippo, Miroku, Sango, and Inu- Yasha through a dead soul orb.)  
  
Kikyo: So...they managed to get this far! I must stop them! But how...? I could poison them... But I want it to be special... (waves hands over the orb) Huh? What's this? Poppies...? Poppies. Poppies will kill them. (takes a potion and pours it over the orb)  
  
(The scene changes to everyone skipping and frolicking through the flower field.)  
  
Shippo (happy): Come on! Let's hurry!  
  
(They carry on running for a while, then smoke appears in front of them. When it clears it turns out to be Kikyo)  
  
Inu-Yasha: Aah!! Aaah!  
  
Kagome *gasp*: Oh, no! It's the witch!  
  
Sango (vexed): What does she want, now?  
  
Kikyo: Why?! Why aren't all of you dead?! I poisoned this poppy field so that I could kill you!  
  
Miroku: Poppy field...?  
  
Kikyo: Yes!  
  
Shippo: Okay, first of all: This is a field of dandylions. Second of all: You're in our way.  
  
Kikyo: Curse you! (disappears)  
  
Miroku: What was that about?  
  
Shippo: Don't ask.  
  
(They all carry on, until they make it to the Amethyst gates.)  
  
Sango (getting ready to pull on the rope that makes the bell ring)  
  
Kagome: Wait!  
  
Sango: What?  
  
Kagome: I seen this is a movie once. Don't pull on the bell; it's out of order.  
  
Shippo: But there isn't a sign.  
  
Kagome: Trust me on this one. *knock, knock, knock* Silence *knock, knock, knock*  
  
Miroku: I don't think they can hear you.  
  
Sango (pulls rope) *ding....dong...ding...*  
  
(A man in purple clothes pops his head out of the door)  
  
Everyone (looks at Kagome)  
  
Kagome (blushing): Eh, heh, heh...!  
  
Man: Who's there? (looks down) What do you want?!  
  
Everyone: We want to see the Wizard.  
  
Man (gasp) The Wizard?! No one has seen the great La Paz! Even I'VE never seen him!  
  
Shippo: Then how do you know he even exists?  
  
Man: Because he...umm....Ah! Go away!  
  
Kagome: Oh, wait! Please! We have to see the Wizard. The priestess, Kaede sent us!  
  
Man: Prove it!  
  
Sango: She's wearing the Shikon No Tama slippers!  
  
Man (looks at Kagome's feet) Well, so she is! Well, slap my rump and call me pinky!  
  
Miroku: No thanks.  
  
Man: Come on in! (opens the door)  
  
(They walk in and everything is purple. The clothes are purple, the animals are purple, the water, the walls, the floor, etc. They all look for the place the Wizard might've been in)  
  
Shippo: I wonder which room he's in?  
  
Sango (points to a signs that says, "The Great La Paz") Maybe he's in there.  
  
(They walk up to the man who was gaurding the door.)  
  
Kagome: Excuse me. May we see the Wizard?  
  
Gaurd: See the Wizard?! Uh...well...(looks at Kagome's innocent face) Oh, alright! Hold on, lemme see! I'll announce you at once!  
  
Sango: Did you hear that? He'll announce us at once!  
  
Shippo: Yay! We get to go home, Kagome!  
  
Miroku: And I can get my heart!  
  
Sango: Then you'll stop being a pervert!  
  
Sango and Kagome: Yay!  
  
(Author: Okay, that was lame -_-')  
  
Inu-Yasha: And he'll give me courage. And soon, I'll be king of the forest! (walks up some stairs and sings) If I....were king....of the FOR-E-E-E-ST--  
  
Gaurd (bursting out the door) GRRARAAR!!  
  
Everyone (jumps nearly 20ft into the air)  
  
Gaurd: The Wizard says to go away! (marches back inside of the door)  
  
Everyone: Go away?  
  
Kagome (crying) Oh...And I was so happy....! I ran away from home... Making my Mom worried about me... (Gaurd peeks through the door crack) Now, I'll never get home... *sniff* Never, never...  
  
Gaurd (sobbing): Oh, stop crying! I'll get you to see the Wizard somehow! I had a Momma too, once! Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ah! Follow me...!  
  
Kagome (to everyone except the gaurd) Wow! This crying stuff really works!  
  
(The doors open up all of the way. Everyone creeps down the hall, scared of what the Wizard would be like.)  
  
Inu-Yasha (sobbing): Wait, everybody. I didn't wanna see the Wizard this much! I better wait outside...!  
  
Kagome: Why? Don't you know the Wizard will give you some courage?  
  
Inu-Yasha (sobbing harder): Yeah, but...*sniff* I'm...*sniff*...still...*sniff*...sca-a-ared!  
  
(They eventually come to a big room filled with fire.)  
  
Inu-Yasha (sobbing): Look at that!! Lookatthat!! Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! (turns around to run away, but is stopped by Miroku and Sango) I wanna go home!  
  
Wizard: COME FORWARD!!!  
  
Inu-Yasha (sobbing): Tell me when it's over!!  
  
Wizard: IT IS I, LA PAZ!!! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL!!! WHY HAVE YOU COME?!!  
  
Kagome(nervously stepping forward): Well, Mr. Wizard... We have come to ask you--  
  
Wizard: SILENCE!!!  
  
Kagome(jumps back): Holy, crap!!  
  
Wizard: THE GREAT LA PAZ KNOWS WHY YOU HAVE COME!!!  
  
Shippo (under his breath) Then why'd you ask...?  
  
Wizard: STEP FOURTH, SCARECROW!!! (Sango walks forward) YOU ARE HERE TO ASK ME FOR A BRAIN, RIGHT?!!  
  
Sango: Actually, I HAVE a brain already. I was just tagging along.  
  
Wizard: THEN...STEP FOURTH, TINMAN!!! (Miroku steps forward) YOU ARE HERE TO ASK ME FOR A HEART!!!  
  
Miroku (not afraid): Yes, your honor.  
  
Wizard: AND YOU, DOG!!! (Inu-Yasha nervously steps forward) WELL?!! (Inu- Yasha faints)  
  
Kagome: How dare you scare him like that?! Frightening the crap out of him when he came to you for help!  
  
Wizard: SILENCE!!! I HAVE DECIDED TO GRANT YOUR REQUESTS!!!  
  
Inu-Yasha (happy): What'd he say??  
  
Wizard: BUT FIRST, YOU MUST DO SOMETHING FOR ME!!! BRING ME THE BROOMSTICK OF THE WICKED WITCH, KIKYO!!!  
  
Sango: But we'd have to kill her to do that!  
  
Shippo: Good!  
  
Wizard: SILENCE!!! BRING ME KIKYO'S BROOM, AND THEN I WILL GRANT YOUR REQUESTS!!! NOW, GO!!!  
  
Inu-Yasha: B-But w-what i-if s-she k-kills u-us f-first?  
  
Wizard: I SAID GO!!!  
  
Inu-Yasha (running off-stage): AAAHHHHH!!!  
  
(The scene changes to everybody wandering through a dark creepy forest. Scary animal cries scream every once in a while. Sango is holding a machine gun. Miroku is holding a double-bladed axe. Shippo has a hand gun. Kagome has a bow and arrow. Inu-Yasha has the Tetsusaiga)  
  
Kagome: Where is the witch's castle?  
  
Sango: I'm not sure. The Wizard said it was in this forest.  
  
Shippo: A-Are there g-ghosts in this forest?  
  
Inu-Yasha: Ghosts?!  
  
Miroku: Ghosts? That's ridiculous! There are no such thing-- (Miroku is lifted off the ground and is flying everywhere)  
  
Inu-Yasha and Shippo (clinging to one another): Aaaahhhhhhh!! Mommy!!!  
  
Miroku (drops roughly to the ground)  
  
Inu-Yasha (chanting): I DO believe in spooks! I DO believe in spooks! I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO believe in spooks! I DO believe in spooks!  
  
(The scene changes to Kikyo watching them through the soul orb, while one of her flying lizards watch)  
  
Kikyo: Heh heh heh! You'll believe more than that, you cowardly dog! (turns to face the flying lizard) I'll have those Shikon No Tama slippers, if it's the last thing I do! Capture the girl, and her measly little dog too! Keep her friends from finding her! Go! Go! (the lizard flies out of the window and calls a swarm of them)  
  
(The scene changes to the group walking through the forest again. They look up and see the swarming lizards)  
  
Inu-Yasha (cowarding behind Kagome and pointing up): What are THOSE?!  
  
Sango: They're Kikyo's servants! Scatter!  
  
(They all run in different directions as the lizards swoop down and attack them. They eventually capture the screaming Kagome and Shippo and fly off with them.)  
  
Miroku: Oh, no! They've captured Kagome!  
  
Inu-Yasha: What'll we do?!  
  
Sango: Help! Help!  
  
(Miroku and Inu-Yasha run to where Sango's voice is coming from and find piles of straw all over the place.)  
  
Miroku: What happened?  
  
Sango: What do you think?! They threw my body everywhere! Put me back together, quickly! We have to find Kagome!  
  
Miroku: Inu-Yasha, you get her upper body while I...ahem!...Get the lower!  
  
(In the next scene, Kagome is cowarding by the window in Kikyo's lair, cuddling Shippo, while Kikyo paces back and fourth)  
  
Kikyo: Now, for the last time...Give me those slippers!  
  
Kagome: But Kaede told me not to!  
  
Kikyo: Well since you aren't cooperating. (snaps fingers and Shippo disappears, then reappears inside of a nearby basket. Kikyo turns to one of the flying lizards) Take that dog to the river and drown him!  
  
Shippo: Nice try! But I know how to swim!  
  
Kikyo: Not if I lock you inside of the basket, first!  
  
Kagome: No! Don't hurt him! Take these shoes, but don't you dare harm Shippo!  
  
Kikyo: I knew you'd see if my way! (leans down to Kagome's feet to take the Shikon No Tama slippers. When Kikyo touches them, she gets electricuted and burnt to a horrible crisp) Aaah! Curses! They won't come off! Not while your alive, anyway. (takes an red-sanded hourglass and turns it over) That's how much time you have to live! (turns to the lizard) Now, destory that dog!  
  
(As the lizard turns to pick up Shippo, he turns into a big pink balloon thing and flies out the window)  
  
Kagome: All right! Shippo! He got away!  
  
Kikyo: But that's no better news for you! (takes broom stick and flies out the window with swarms of lizards follwing her)  
  
(The scene changes to Miroku and Inu-Yasha trying to put Sango back together. Half of her body has already been repaired. They hear Shippo calling from off stage.)  
  
Miroku: Look! It's Shippo!  
  
Shippo (coming onto the stage): Come on! We have to hurry! Kagome is in trouble!  
  
Inu-Yasha: What?  
  
Sango: Hurry up and put me back together!  
  
(Later on, Miroku, Inu-Yasha, Sango, and Shippo are hiding behind some boulders, watching packs of wolf demons gaurding Kikyo's castle.)  
  
Wolf Demons (chanting): Or-e-o! Yo, ho! Or-e-o! Yo, ho!  
  
Miroku: How do we get in?  
  
Sango: We're going to have to sneak in!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Yeah, but how?  
  
Sango (thinking): Hmm...Aha! Shippo! You can transform into anything, right?  
  
Shippo: Of course!  
  
Sango (pointing at the wolf demons): Then transform us into those!  
  
Shippo: Okay! I'll give it a try!  
  
(Shippo uses his illusion powers and transforms Inu-Yasha, Sango, and Miroku into wolf demons that look similar to the ones gaurding the castle. They all sneak down, and follow them inside.)  
  
Inu-Yasha: Which way do we go, Shippo?  
  
Shippo: How would I know?! I came in and out of the castle through a window!  
  
Sango: Ugh! And these castles are always like labyrinths!  
  
(The next scene, Kagome is watching the hourglass running out. She hears foot steps coming up the stairs)  
  
Kagome (panicking): Crap! Kikyo's coming up! I've gotta do something! (looks back at the hourglass) Hmm...(flips hourglass over)  
  
(Kikyo bursts into the door and looks at Kagome and the hourglass. She gives Kagome a curious look, then leaves)  
  
Kagome: Phew! She still thinks an hour hasn't gone by...! So, I'm safe for the time being. Come on, you guys! Hurry UP!  
  
(footsteps)  
  
Shippo's voice from outside of the door: Kagome! Open up! It's us!  
  
Kagome: Shippo?! Is it you?  
  
Miroku: Yes! Now open up!  
  
Kagome: I can't! Kikyo locked me in!  
  
Shippo: Hold on! (transforms into a deformed axe. Miroku grabs the axe/Shippo and starts hacking at the door. The door eventually breaks down and Kagome runs out and embraces everybody)  
  
Sango: Come on! Let's get out of here before Kikyo comes back! (they all run around the castle, eventually being chases by the wolf demons and Kikyo. They get cornered)  
  
Kikyo: Well, well, well...Thought you could be foxy, didn't you?  
  
Shippo: Hey, I resemble that remark!  
  
Kikyo: So, who wants to die first? (lights the straw end of her boom on fire by a nearby torch) How about you, scarecrow?  
  
(Kagome quickly grabs a bucket of water [Author: That just HAPPENS to be there] and pours it all over Kikyo)  
  
Kikyo (sinking to the floor): Aaah!!! You filthy brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! Oh, what a world, what a world! How could destroy me and my beautiful wickedness? I'm going! (voice fades) Ooooooh....! (All that's left of Kikyo are her clothes, along with some dirt and bones)  
  
Shippo (picking up the clothes): What the...?! She's running around naked somehwhere!  
  
Miroku (sly): Hmm...!  
  
Sango (gasp): She was just dirt and bones!  
  
(A human-like wolf demon [namely Kouga] walks up to Kagome)  
  
Kouga: You've killed Kikyo!  
  
Kagome (lying): I didn't mean to!  
  
Kouga (kisses Kagome's hand, getting an evil jealous glare from Inu-Yasha): Hail to Kagome! The wicked witch is dead!  
  
Wolf Demons: Hail to Kagome! The wicked witch is dead!  
  
Kagome: The broom! May we have it?  
  
Kouga: Yes!  
  
Kagome: All right! Now we can go back to the Wizard and tell him that Kikyo is dead!  
  
Wolf Demons: Hail to Kagome! The wicked witch is dead!  
  
(The scene changes back to everyone standing in front of the Wizard. Kagome presents the broom to him and places it on the floor in front of him)  
  
Kagome (happy): We brought back the broom you wanted! We melted the witch! It turns out that she was just dirt and bones!  
  
Wizard: AH...YOU LIQUIDATED HER, EH?!! GOOD WORK!!! BUT COME BACK TOMORROW AND I'LL GRANT YOU YOUR DESIRES!!!  
  
Kagome: Tomorrow?! But I want to go home NOW!!  
  
Sango: You've had more than enough time, already!  
  
Wizard: I SAID COME BACK TOMORROW!!!  
  
Shippo (looks at a curtain): Huh? (walks over to the curtain and pulls it) Everybody! Look! (pulled curtain open for all to see)  
  
Miroku: There's no one there.  
  
Shippo (holds out hand): No, look!  
  
Everybody: Myouga?!  
  
Myouga: Yes, it's me...! I admit it! I was such a coward in the past, I just wanted everybody to think I was wise for once! I'm ashamed of myself...!  
  
Shippo: You jerk-face!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Yeah...!  
  
Myouga: Yes, I'm a jerk-face.  
  
Kagome: How could you do that to us? We're your friends!  
  
Sango: What about the heart you promised Miroku? And the courage for Inu- Yasha?  
  
Inu-Yasha and Miroku: And Sango's brain!  
  
Sango: I HAVE a brain!  
  
Myouga: All right! All right! Your gifts are inside that bag!  
  
Inu-Yasha: You actually bag a HEART?  
  
Kagome That's pretty gross!  
  
Shippo: And I didn't know you could bag courage.  
  
Myouga: No, of course they aren't the real things! You think I'm crazy? Besides you've had your gifts all along!  
  
Sango: Then how's come Miroku is still a pervert?  
  
Myouga: I don't know! You think that by having a heart will make him less perverted? That's just the way he is!  
  
Miroku: Thank goodness...  
  
Inu-Yasha: But what about Kagome?  
  
Kagome: I don't think there's anything in that bag for me.  
  
Myouga: You just want to go home, right? Why don't I take you to Tokyo myself?  
  
Shippo: Could you do that?  
  
Myouga: Of course!  
  
(Silence)  
  
Sango: You can't, can you?  
  
Myouga: No...  
  
Inu-Yasha (pointing): Look! There's someone who could help you!  
  
Shippo: The bubble?  
  
Kagome: It's Kaede! (Kaede walks out of the bubble and up to Kagome)  
  
Kagome: Oh, Kaede! How can Shippo and me go home now?  
  
Kaede: You've had the power to go home, all along.  
  
Kagome: I did?!  
  
Shippo: She did?!  
  
Kaede: All you had to do was go through the well and you'd be home.  
  
Shippo: Why didn't you tell us that before?!  
  
Kaede: Because she wouldn't have believed me.  
  
Kagome: With all that I've been through, I'll believe anything!  
  
Shippo: Wait a minute. Are you saying that we have to go ALL the way back to Midgetland and go home, THERE?! Oh, come ON!  
  
Kaede: Well, all you have to do now, is click your heels together three times and say, "There's no place like home."  
  
Kagome (clicks heels): There's no place like home. There's no place like home.  
  
(The curtains close, and re-open to Kagome sleeping in bed with Shippo and her family by her side.)  
  
Mother: Kagome, wake up, dear. It's your mother.  
  
Kagome: Mom?  
  
Sota: Mom, is this what happens when you get a hangover?  
  
Grandpa (walking into Kagome room): Well, I called the school. Do you think they'll believe that she has osteoperosis?  
  
Kagome: I'm home!  
  
Mother: Of course you're home. We found you in the shrine after that horrible storm. You had quite a bump on the head, we thought you were going to leave us.  
  
Kagome: But I DID leave you! I was in this magical place and Shippo and me met up with a talking scarecrow, a perverted tinman, a wicked witch, a cowardly dog, and a flea and... doesn't anyone believe me?  
  
Sota: Yeah, like we'll belive THAT.  
  
Mother: You must've been dreaming.  
  
Kagome: Yeah, but I learned this lesson. That this is my home and I'll never leave--  
  
Shippo: Yeah, yeah, enough with the morals. I'm hungry, can we eat dinner now?  
  
Everyone: Yeah, let's eat.  
  
THE END 


End file.
